February 18, 2005

Roc-A-Fella Fan Fiction

Though the "fanfic" scene offers thousands of untold stories from the worlds of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Card Captor Sakura, the equally colorful characters of hip-hop have largely been ignored.

But rocascenes.com is out to change that, with a collection of stories exploring the secret lives of Jay-Z, Dame and crew. Purists probably won't consider these true fanfic, for one thing they don't focus enough on exploring the subjects' latent homoeroticism. But they are very stange and comical, for sure. Here's an excerpt from the latest entry, imagining a tet-a-tet between Jay-Z and the Game:

[ Somewhat unnerved by the beef brewing between him and Jigga, Game shows up at Def Jam's offices to straighten things out. Jay-Z, currently Def Jam's President, is welcome to hear what the Compton rapper has on his mind. ]
Jay's Secretary: Sir, your 1:15 is here to see you.

Jay: Aight Bleek, send 'em in.

Game: Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Game! *chuckles*

Jay: ....

Game: Remember that s**t?

Jay: .... come on in. *Jay invites Game into his office*

*Game steps in and his entourage tries to follow*

Jay: I'm gonna have to ask y'all to wait downstairs. No disrespect.

Game: Oh, no doubt, like Gwen Stefani.

Jay: .....

*Jay lets Game into his office and shuts the door*

Jay: Have a seat...

Game: *while walking towards Jay's desk, notices a 5 foot tall, 30 gallon container of water sitting in the middle of Jay's office* What's that there for?

Jay: That's not important right now... so, you have urgent business to discuss with me?

Game: Yeah man, I wanted to get at you dawg, like DMX.... you know...

Jay: Uh huh

Game: I just wanna clear up this so-called beefin s**t... like Ice Cube and Common.

Jay: I'm listenin.

Game: Please don't let me be misunderstood, like Nina Simone.

Jay: Why are you makin that face?

Game: What face?

Jay: That face you always make.

Game: Whatchu mean homie, that's just how I loo- *catches on and starts laughing* oh, I get it. You got jokes like Martin Lawrence. Tha's funny man. *points at Jay*

Jay: *points back*

Game: Aight, so about this lil beef or whatever. I was in the club, like 50 Cent, then I heard through the grapevine like Marvin Gaye, that you wanted some problems like Lil Scrappy.

Jay: Okay, well first off--

Game: NWA.

Jay: Huh?

Game: Express yourself.

Jay: .......okay, well first off I don't appreciate some of the comments you been throwin at my lil homie, Bleek.

Game: You got this nigga answerin yo' phone. He's Mr. Telephone Man, like New Edition.

Jay: But my homie is like my brother, and that's family. So it's like you disrespectin my family. You dig what I'm sayin?

Game: YEAH! like Usher and Lil Jon, baby.

Jay: *puts his hand on his forehead*

(found at OKP)

(EDIT: upon closer look I'm not feeling everything on this site, the misogyny and homophobia is a bit much at times)

Posted by jsmooth995 at February 18, 2005 4:32 PM | TrackBack

Comments

To whom it may concern

Although you may find your jokes funny and I would have to agree the truth is not.We as in the hiphop community shouldn t disrespect our
OGs and like it or not Jay z is one of them.How can Game in his rookie season disrespect homie on any level.I have reasonable doubt and the black album I would of purchased Game s debut but I have had enough of artist who depend on Dr.Dre and don t really have talent.Thats why they have to link themselves to other artist instead of standing on their own two.Game didn t grow up with one dam artist hes sreaming as his crew.Jay and Bleek are project kids that grew up together and Bleek never claimed to be the God mc hell he even admitted that JZ wrote his earlier material.Game will find out that pretending to be hood and being hood is two totally different things.I don t feel like Game brought the West back in my opionon they never left and their influnce is felt and seen through out the game.A real gangster doesn t start beef and he certainly wouldn t let a record company no matter how large force him into it.Game I m from South Central projects 2 blocks from Slauson right now I m in Little Rock AR so I ve been around the gang life all my life you homie are not no gangster it takes more than tear drops and screaming G unit.

Posted by: James Ellis at February 18, 2005 5:07 PM

How funny is all the name dropping Game does.

Posted by: Ahsmi at February 18, 2005 6:47 PM

Game: Nigga, I been crippin all my fuckin life. I swear to God I--

Jay: Crip? I thought you was blood.

Game: .................................I am.

Jay: Nigga how you been crippin all your life and you a blood?

Game: I'm BOTH, nigga.

Jay: Nigga you can't be a crip and a blood.

Game: I'm from Compton nigga, you can't tell me what the fuck I can and can't be. I been a crud my whole life.

Jay: Crud?

Game: A crippin blood, nigga.

Jay: Did you just.... make up a gang?

Game: *throws up complicated gang sign that includes the robot and cabbage patch*

too funny...

Posted by: topher1979 at February 18, 2005 8:55 PM

too funny

Posted by: Hashim at February 19, 2005 8:27 PM

hahahah ....game is another wave in the sea he'll be gone in a few months

Posted by: deepsonic at February 20, 2005 4:28 PM

To whom it may concern:
Well to me, if they were really gangsta's they
would b dead or in Jail. Jay-Z He makes good
music, but most of his shit is jocked 2 he says he's a writer not a biter BULLSHIT, look it all the stuff he jocked from Big L. On that song
a million an one questions. What does he say
ALL I GOT FOR CHICKS HARD DICK AND BUBBLE GUM
BAD ENOUGH HE DOESN'T EVEN SAY IT AS GOOD AS BIG L
Jay-Z doesn't even quote Big L on that one.
If his fans really new thats all Jay-Z does is
jock and sample, look it the black album pure
sampled. I'm a fan of Jay-Z but he swears he
don't jock, AT ALL, THATS BULL SHIT.
Even the Naz song, he said YOU MADE IT A HOT LINE
I MADE IT A HOT SONG. Why you jock someone elses
lyrics to make your own music, and the album called blueprint, KRS1 first had a album called that. Listen to the Big L and Jay-Z freestyle
Jay-Z had nothing on Big L, gets punked like a little bitch,Jay-Z your lucky Big L is Dead cause
Big L would have taken over the East Coast.
I know Dre aint a banger but and he might sample
here and there, but that nigga started this gangsta shit, along with MC Ren, Ice Cube, Yella
and of Course Easy-E R.I.P

P.S Think about it all these guys, Mobb Deep, Jay-Z, Game, 50 cent G-Unit, The whole Rap Industry
after N.W.A. THEY ARE JUST NIGGAS WITH ATTITUDES
and this the muthafuckin thanks they get.

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