Ok, so I know you're all excited about Apple's new iPhone With No Phone Attached, but there's a few things you might want to consider before shelling out that $300. Check out these flaws that my advance research has uncovered:
9. The iPod Touch battery lasts approximately 8 minutes.
8. The iTunes WiFi Music Store is still in beta, and currently only offers Peter Frampton albums.
7. The iPod Touch is coated with special chemicals designed to make Black men turn impotent.
6. The iPod Touch thinks Dane Cook is hilarious.
5. 50% of profits from the iPod Touch will be funneled into a Larry Craig presidential campaign (on the newly formed Wide Stance ticket).
4. All other profits go to Steve Jobs' dog. His grandchildren get NOTHING.
3. After 20 plays, the iPod Touch's DRM protection automatically remixes every file into a reggaeton song.
2. The iPod Touch's special touch screen is made with the eyeballs of baby pandas.
1. Every iPod Touch contains a secret pinhole camera that sends a live stream of your face to Steve Jobs' office where he spends each day cackling maniacally at your visage, "LOOK AT MY LITTLE DANCING MONKEYS! I OWN YOU, SHEEPLE!"
Just trying to help you be an educated consumer, my friends.
