June 01, 2003

Check Your Principles at the Door

I've done a little bit of freelance music writing over the years (in Vibe, The Source and XXL), and this column gives some idea why I never did more than a little bit. I think JR Taylor's tone is a little unfair to the subject, who is just being real about the world she works in, but the picture painted here isn't far from the truth. If anything, the reality is even worse than this, in the world of "Hip-Hop journalism" at least.

It doesn’t take much for a professional music journalist to tell the truth. About $65, in fact.


I’ve seen the future of rock ‘n roll, and it is Brooklyn’s Mink Lungs...

Caitlin Cary’s second album makes a perfect soundtrack for the sorts of days evoked on the languid, unhurried "Sleepin’ In on Sunday"...

Mix a half-cup of Jeremy Enigk’s Return of the Frog Queen, two tablespoons Ron Sexsmith and one quart Neutral Milk Hotel. Stir counterclockwise, and you have a serviceable description of Castaways and Cutouts...

Such is the state of modern music journalism. Such is the lack of inspiration and opinion. Even in the service of minor bands, writers desperately churn out meaningless hype, sad cliches and vapid non-opinion toward two goals: pleasing the publicists and allowing the writer to blather on about more useless acts in the future.

Though I offer this statement as fact, you needn’t accept my humble, free opinion. For $65, a successful music journalist named Shirley Halperin was willing to help aspiring hacks at her May 15 MediaBistro seminar, "Almost Famous: Breaking Into Freelance Music Journalism."

What's more, Halperin takes pride in knowing the truth about her profession...

..."Seventy to 80 percent of the time, you’ll be writing about artists you don’t like."

This could actually be construed as good news. Somebody, after all, has to note that N.E.R.D. is getting critical acclaim for ripping off bands like Styx and Slipknot. And why is Aimee Mann only now discovering that moths can get burned by a flame?

Sadly, Halperin doesn’t seem to understand that writers—even those with a "passion for music"—can express negative thoughts. We will find ourselves writing positive things about artists we don’t like, she informs us. For all intents and purposes, Halperin is warning that 70 to 80 percent of the time, we will be expected to tell lies...


..."How many of you," she then asks, "if you hated the band ethically and morally, wouldn’t write about the band?"

Two people raise their hands.

"You have to learn how to temper your reaction," she explains. "They don’t want to hear [deep sigh]. They want to hear ‘Cool!’ ‘Great!’ ‘Awesome!’"

Besides, Halperin adds, you can always express your disdain for the band "after the article’s been edited and published."

Halperin also warns us about all the trouble that comes with having an opinion. She cites Spin’s hard lesson after they put Creed on their cover, accompanied by an article that mainly goofed on the popular band. She wants us to consider the long months spent trying to placate the publicists afterwards: "Half of your year has been spent thinking and analyzing about how to get out of this mess with this band… It just becomes a mess that takes up half your life. So, that’s that."

As noted, Halperin’s seminar does some good. There’s some occasional useful advice, like her suggestion not to ask predictable questions. Halperin even suggests that it’s okay to sometimes print controversial news about a popular band—that is, once you’re sure that the band’s publicist represents so many bands that he or she "has to work with you."

Most importantly, Halperin does an excellent job of representing the banality of modern music journalism. She is the true face of pandering, and is completely honest about how well this serves her. It would take a lot less than three hours for her to convince anyone with integrity to walk away from the business, and I would’ve paid a lot more than $65 to be talked out of this business back when I was younger.

Posted by jsmooth995 at June 1, 2003 06:30 PM
Comments

Somebody, after all, has to note that N.E.R.D. is getting critical acclaim for ripping off bands like Styx and Slipknot.

HAHA, I wrote the original editorial review of NERD's album for Amazon.com and the POP music editor there musta not liked it (even though I was assigned the review by the HIP HOP editor) because after it was up for a few months he took it down (without telling me) and replaced it with his own review.

Needless to say, I thought the album sucked and he creamed his pants over it.


Posted by: becca at June 1, 2003 08:07 PM

Yucky. I guess the hours are good though.

Posted by: muzer at June 1, 2003 08:32 PM

is the payoff worth it? it's all relative.

i can make 30 to 150 an hour to write a piece of fairly crappy music criticism or promotion.

ashanti can make 30,000 to 150,000 to perform a few pieces of very crappy musical selections.

Posted by: becca at June 1, 2003 09:15 PM

Becca,

I am very pleased to see that someone else disliked N.E.R.D. Not funny. Not innovative. An accute case of assumed offbeat charisma. My older brother (1) effusively praised and recommended the album on the phone while he lived in NY and I lived in Chi, (2) brought it with him when we were to meet in Vegas, (3) upon check in, force fed me the ENTIRE album on the CD Alarm clock in our Bellagio suite, (4) looked at me the whole time for my reaction, (5) was ostensibly duped by my standard "ask questions and stare at liner notes" tact, (6) told me at every opportunity why particular parts were funny, (7) was apparently unaware of my non-verbal indications that I was uncomfortable, unimpressed, and practically precumming to play some Blackjack.

My restraint allowed me to stomach the whole album without rendering a positive or negative opinion.

I was subjected to another monitored-listening again several days later in the parking lot of a massage school in San Diego.

The album, Farell, Neptune, whoever... they all just totally frost me to the core now.

I also sympathize with the censorship you encountered at Amazon. I've noticed that the "marketplace of ideas" is in actuality a farce. Ownership and proprietorship of media outlets (especially of the interactive type, i.e. message boards, user reviews) usually leads to the squelching of opposing views. Not only was the writer's ego probably involved in the decision, but the writer also has a tacit duty to promote albums (a la what this article is talking about)

Peace
harold_smoot@hotmail.com

Posted by: googoo gaga at June 3, 2003 09:13 PM

i've been a mainstay reviewer for amazon.com since 1999 and that has NEVER happened to me before. i was more pissed off that an editor who had nothing to do with me pulled the review and PUT HIS OWN UP in its place- without telling me. At the end of the day I suppose I'm as guilty as a lot of writers- my secondary reaction was "fuck it, at least they paid me my money."

the funny thing is i didn't totally trash the stupid album.

Posted by: becca at June 3, 2003 10:10 PM

I enjoyed the NERD album. It was fun bouncy catchy music with interesting lyrics...and i felt spymob did a great job musically. I think people tend to over-intellectualize music. The point is to enjoy it. not sit and figure out how original, innovative, relevant, or important it is. Maybe the NERD album isn't any of those things. But all i know is that when i pop it in my CD player and other people are around, we're all loving it and vibing to it, and singing along with it and asking to play it again...and for that reason, i'd recommend it. Its simply good music.

Posted by: Damali at June 4, 2003 10:23 AM

Becca,

I re-read your post after I posted mine and I realized my interpretation of you Amazon situation was incorrect. What the other editor did was straight up foul.


Damali,

I consider your post hostile towards me and possibly Becca. Therefore, you can't credibly criticize me for defending my post.

First, you have no right to tell anyone else how they must appreciate music. You and your friends are entitled to your methods just as I am entitled to mine. If the criteria I laid out don't happen to intersect with your own, then we are obviously bound to differ in opinion on music.

Second, I am happy that you and your friends found so much joy in the N.E.R.D. CD. MY basest reaction to NERD was not intellectual disgust -- it was genuine repulsion. Elaboration and scrutiny was only necessary to sort out why it produced this reaction in me.

Third, I actually didn't really get into specific analytical points about why the album sucks partially for reasons you cite. I simply detailed *my* experience of being exposed to the album by my brother. I didn't dance around the room like you and your friends. I just didn't like it... the only reason I commented that it wasn't funny or innovative is because of N.E.R.D.'s own desire to appeal to the Prince Paul _Psychoanalysis_ crowd. Their whole schtick is supposed to be ironic, but I don't particularly buy into their ethos or credibility. I think they truly believe they are the next shit. I was simply saying why I don't agree with that.

So in terms you can understand: The beat is not catchy and I can't dance to it.

Posted by: googoo gaga at June 5, 2003 01:25 AM

i didn't enjoy it. i thought it was a big, boring in-joke. i'm a reviewer, so i have to "tell" people what they may or may not enjoy about the album. i did that in my review but i still gave my opinion (that i thought it sucked). that's my "job" as a reviewer.

Posted by: becca at June 5, 2003 01:59 AM

Gaga,

My post was not hostile at all. I did not call anyone any names or say anything that was insulting or that could be remotely construed as hostile. Did i use exclamation points or curse? No. I simply disagreed wtih what you and Becca said. I have a right to my opinion as well, and i stand by it.

Posted by: Damali at June 5, 2003 09:01 AM

Damali,

A shift in advocacy, to be sure... you criticized (your perception of) my method of appreciating music by portaying it as stiff and mechanical. Hostility does not require name calling, insults, exclamation points, or profanity. In fact, a lot of times, it's expressed in a subtle and passive way.

I thought your post was hostile because you were not just expressing you opinion of NERD; you were dismissively criticizing the manner in which I formed mine.

I agree you are entitled to your opinion.


Becca,

Your sentence containing "boring" and "in-joke" succinctly captures my impression of the album.

Posted by: googoo gaga at June 5, 2003 02:37 PM

i didn't think damali was being hostile. anyway, everyone has different opinions about music. i was really trying to point out that as a person who is a professional record reviewer (please don't laugh, but i get paid to do it, so i'm a professional) i have a responsibility to take several factors into consideration when i write a review. i feel that i DID that when i wrote the N.E.R.D. review and think it's wack that a reviewer i've never worked with yanked mine to put his own dick-ridey one up in its place.

that's it.

Posted by: becca at June 6, 2003 02:18 PM

So, that's it?

Posted by: googoo gaga at June 7, 2003 06:38 AM

dearest becca,

that's the third time you've said the same exact thing in your post. i'm scared. shall i expect your next post to contain the same information? is this pathological behavior?

dobby cares.

Posted by: dobby collins at June 7, 2003 06:40 AM

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm, googoo gaga seemed to be sniping at each other, using my comment as part of whatever they were saying (or whatever)... i was trying to talk about what the initial article posted was talking about, not discuss whether or not the N.E.R.D. album sucked or not, so i kept repeating my point in hopes that someone would want to discuss "hip hop" jounalism with me. oh well. maybe next time.

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