February 29, 2004
Haiku-Blogging the Oscars
7:45PM
Hundreds of people
Will be blogging the Oscars
But none in haiku!
7:55PM
Joan Rivers causes
Unbearable nausea yet
I can't look away
8:10 PM
Here comes Billy Bush
Suddenly I'm longing for
Joan's incompetence
8:20 PM
"Hey Naomi Watts!
Watt's up??" Billy Bush just asked.
I'm buying a gun.
8:40
Mildly amusing
All I can ask from Crystal.
Next year, Dave Chappelle!
9:20
That big boat movie?
you mean there are people who
actually saw that?
9:30
I guess long ago
In a land far far away
Bob Hope was funny?
9:50
Damn you, Liv Tyler.
Your Lisa Loeb impression
has stolen my heart.
10:20
And winning New York's
Democratic Primary..
Return of the King!
10:30
I've been nodding off
Did Lord of the Rings lose yet?
oh, ok then... *zzzzzzzzz*
11:00
And in first place for
The Scripps-Howard Spelling Bee
Return of the King!
11:30
All hail Seabiscuit!
Greatest movie of the year
for me to poop on.
11:40
Film that mocks asians
ironically awarded
little yellow man.
11:50
Peter Jackson beams
"There is no word in elvish
for the joy i feel!"
12:00
"They stole my precious!"
Bill Murray growls with a sneer
"they are so tricksy!"
12:20
Now let's all just hope
Peter won't get the rights to
The Silmarillion.
Posted by jsmooth995 at February 29, 2004 07:40 PM
Posted by: M Matos at March 1, 2004 12:48 AM
I agree. J, that shit was funny. And I think Will Ferrell and Jack Black summed up the show: "you're boring, you're BOR-ing"
Posted by: m.info at March 1, 2004 01:18 AM
Reading your Haiku
ever so much better than
watching awful show
Posted by: Eve L. Incarnata at March 1, 2004 01:18 AM
Don't sleep on the boat movie.
It deserved to win best picture.
Posted by: playahayden at March 1, 2004 03:55 AM
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha HA!
Posted by: muzer at March 1, 2004 04:22 AM
You didn't really have to look away from Joan "mush mouth" Rivers, as E! made sure they shot her back whenever they could. They could have put Andy Dick in a wig, and no one would have been ever the wiser.
Posted by: Gato at March 1, 2004 11:51 AM
Best Oscar moment:
Tivo fast-forward button
Being pressed down hard
Posted by: Jim Treacher at March 1, 2004 12:36 PM
silmarillion must NOT be made. i don't want to see anyone born from anyone's thoughts.
Posted by: blarinna at March 1, 2004 01:40 PM
don't i know you from somewhere?
jdate?
hip hop?
Posted by: melissa broder at March 1, 2004 05:30 PM
*wipes tear from eye*
brilliant, jay!!
Posted by: j swizz at March 1, 2004 07:17 PM
"Watt's up??" haiku... SO on the money - f**ckin' hillarious!
Surely there must be some haiku for Jennifer Garner's comment when asked by Joan "what do you do when a guest star sucks" ... "we're waiting for you Joan"...
Posted by: itzallrelativ at March 1, 2004 09:51 PM
so sweet! best 5 min. of my day!
Posted by: redear at March 2, 2004 06:54 PM
Coppollas galore.
Even Nic Cage cheered Sophie.
Where's Jason Schwartzman?
Posted by: Amy at March 3, 2004 10:37 AM
catherine zeta-jones
regretting she sold her soul
to michael douglas
Posted by: Thisbe at March 3, 2004 07:41 PM
Any idiot
can write haiku, you just stop
at the last syllab
Posted by: ZacharyKeth at March 6, 2004 12:37 AM
haha good one zach.. a lot of good ones here!
Posted by: Jay Smooth at March 6, 2004 12:44 AM
HELLO TO ALL THE FUCK FACES IN HERE!!
I LIKE EATING JELLO WHILE TAKING A SHIT.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
APHEX TWIN NO 1
Posted by: UNKNOWSOLDIER at March 6, 2004 11:35 AM
Oscars are so gay
Why do people watch it still?
They must have no life
Posted by: None at March 6, 2004 12:35 PM
I think you set off this whole haiku thing everywhere, Jay. See this thread on the Mish list. It's out of control now.
Posted by: ian at March 9, 2004 07:35 PM
Crystal's Oscar Show
A limousine hits Billy
Crystal dents the car
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O NEGOCIO É O SEGUINTE... SOU BRASILEIRA... NĂO FALO INGLES... PORTANTO... NUM TO ENTENDO PORRA NENHUMA... FALO PRA VOCES!!!
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Posted by: Nena at March 18, 2004 12:00 PM
very good best 5mins of my life to
Posted by: kelly at July 21, 2004 08:33 AM
"catherine zeta-jones
regretting she sold her soul
to michael douglas"
It looks like Catherine Zeta Jones is taking a stand against her stalker. The stalker's letters suggested Catherine Zeta-Jones would be chopped into pieces "like Sharon Tate was," and referred to the violent deaths of President Kennedy and Nicole Brown Simpson. Crazy people.
Posted by: scarlett at July 29, 2004 08:45 PM
catherine zeta-jones is so amazingly beautiful. no wonder she had a stalker. shes the ideal looking woman as far as im concerned.
didnt catch the grammys, regretabbly. even if most people dont enjoy it, i always love watching celebrities i like because im a huge music fan.
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Posted by: Dance Music Directory at September 19, 2004 10:49 PM
I love catherine zeta-jones
and i wish she would have maried me!!
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