Ongoing Grammy Post

I'm gonna keep this post open in my browser while I watch the Grammys tonight, and most likely add snarky remarks after each commercial break.

The delay they're supposedly putting on the telecast is a bit of a buzzkill, I must say. Half the excitement of these shows is hoping for another Soy-Bomb or ODB Moment, but if it happens this year we may not get to see it at all.

I'm thinking somebody will probably strike a blow for Miss Jackson by ripping off their top to reveal a bra that says "We Support Janet" or something along those lines. Of course if the protest is carried out by Aretha, the message will read "We, the undersigned, fully and wholeheartedly support Janet Jackson in her current troubles, for each of the following reasons..." (sorry, cheap joke).

Two things I'm praying WON'T happen tonight: Prince's instrumental record losing to a freaking Kenny G Christmas Album, and Rod Stewart winning for that abominable collection of "standards". Please, jebus.

7:15 PM - One comment on the pre-show so far: In all seriousness, Joan Rivers' face is horrifying. That our culture has come to find this path more attractive than a natural aging process scares me more than a thousand armored nipples. And with that image in mind I'm off to eat dinner, be back at 8.

7:45 PM More pre-show questions: Who was Bill Maher's date?? An older Black woman decked out all regal and what not, very impressive. And why is the light skinneded Black Eyed Pea dressed up like a Prince impersonator? Is he hoping Beyonce might talk to him by accident?

8:15 I'm such a hardcore lifelong Prince fan, it's hard for me to judge this objectively. Started off well, harmonizing with Yonce on Purple Rain was sweet (yeah i was crying at that point, though this song is usually the cue for bathroom break at concerts, for me and my prince fanatic friends).. baby i'm a star was a bit Vegas-y for my tastes. A little rushed overall? i'd rather they just did 2 songs and really got into the groove. guess it was cool tho.

Quentin is so goofy.

Whoa, Yonce almost forgot to mention God!

Holy Sh** Pharrell on drums instead of singing! master stroke. I'm watching with my mom and stepdad who is a top jazz drummer, and he gave it a thumbs up. Can't match the power of last year's "london calling" though.

8:35 - C. Aguilera always oversings, live. she really has a voice, would be so much more powerful if she stayed in the pocket.

Matthew Perry is crazy wack.

?uestlove is right, the Stripes should have a bassist when they do 7 Naton Army, it doesnt quite work without it. Also, Pharrell truns out to be a far better drummer than Meg White. But that's ok, like most emcees rhyming over a timbaland beat, her job is just don't distract us from the real talent, and she's pretty good at that. I can't front, they kidna ripped that second song, best performance so far.

Was Andre 3000 in the bathroom or what? note he kept his hand in his pocket while greeting aerosmith, but took it out to hug BB King. Shortest speech ever.. that's what's cooler than cool.

8:50 - Somebody tell MArg Helgenberger "uncomparable" is not a word.

Our household was bored by Martina McBride, sorry.. if we don't like it we don't like it that don't mean that we hatin. Mom said "uhh with blond hair this is pretty much faith hill huh?" Stepdad says "i would not advise her to go on amateur night at the apollo"

Carole King shoulda got a tribute.

Even though I'm mad at Justin for punking out and not saying anything for Janet, I was really happy to see him get this award.. for real I've been championing him to everybody i know for yeeears, since before the N'Sync Celebrity album, and i've gone receiving an endless barrage of incredulous laughs to gradually getting a "man you were right" from every single one. So in a weird way I was feeling like a proud papa, and almost getting choked up with him while he made his speech. i'm sorry man, i still can't hate him.

9:05 - whoo.. a tear drops my eye. like probably most anyone who grew up in a black family, and many who didn't i'm sure, luther's music was a big part of my life growing up, brings back alot of memories..i'm kinda verklempt right now, seeing him hit those few notes for us kinda put it over the edge. Alicia wasa little shaky in the lower register sometimes but solid, she should coach Chrisitna on that staying in the pocket stuff i was talking about. hate all you want but celine is a top notch vocalist and consummate professional (heads are gonna roll for that intro!). excellent performance.

9:15 - Never thought 15 years ago I'd be saying Madonna epitomizes poise, but there you have it. Serviceable rendition of Roxanne, I guess.. Sean Paul didn't add much. I'm happy for Christina, well deserved. My picks are pretty solid so far.

9:32 Don't front, Justin ripped it. DON'T FRONT! THe "i don't have to dance, i will sit behind the piano cuz im a serious musician" angle came off well. not sure the "it's your thing" part really meshed.

Damn Yoko made me get a little wet around the eye at the end, what is that 3 times I cried tonite? What can i say, i'm a sentimental guy. yoko's another one everybody hates but i think is mad cool. She was once our record librarian at the radio station.

9:46 - BEP, decent, I suppose. The female member is looking very Beyonce, guess she was hoping Prince would talk to her by accident? Methinks the ruse will not work, for she lacketh The Jelly. They got away with calling the CIA terrorists on the grammys, I guess that is laudable.

10:01 - Lifetime achievement for artie shaw.. my stepdad notes he did a lot to integrate the music, was one of the first big white bandleaders to hire billie holiday.

Evanescence for best new artist, first one i got wrong so far. Lame choice. I'm really not mad at them, minus the Durst-sounding dude, but still 50 was the clear choice here. His mini-ODB move was totally justified. Props to what's-her-name for handling it with aplomb. Is that how you spell that? I actually find her kinda appealing, considering she represents christian goth or whatever it is they do.

10:20 - I forgot to mention Beyonce, performance of the night so far, easily. She's gonna be on top for a looong time, kids. No falling off in her future.

Sam Jackson perfect choice for the funk segment.. EWF are legends, no doubt, but let's face it "Shining Star" is funk lite. Nice to see Maurice White up there with the rest of the gang though. Outkast was aiite. Robert Randolph was cool but far from matching Sly as was hyped to me (this was the first i'd seen of him).

Then George and his army came on with their P-Funk train wreck, sloppy as hell which I suppose is how it ought to be. They got me amped at first thinking they would really do "Alice In My Fantasies", but it was just a tease. If you've ever been to a p-funk concert you know they need a good hour before they really get into the groove. I guess George shares my dismay at the omission of "Get Low" from the nominees.

10:36 - Foo fighters and Chick Corea.. ehh. That's just a boring song to me. My stepdad said of Chick struggling to be heard over the guitars "Shit, Cecil Taylor couldn't come over all that shit!"

Coldplay for record of the year, boo. I was afraid of that. Fear of a Rap Planet strikes again, Hey Ya and Crazy In Love were obviously the records of 2003. But as one critic said, when there are 4 oranges in a category, bet on the apple, and they were the only non-hip-hop choice in the line-up. Still a corny choice NARAS letting their age and (pale) true colors show once again. Thanks for the Kerry plug though, Chris.

10:59 - Nice tribute to Zevon, glad he got one of the major awards. I was afraid he was too much of a "thinking man's artist", not enough of a po phenomenon for the voters to recognize.

This show has had some solid performances, and none that really stood out as duds, but it's been too stale and sterile, lacking personality without a host and nothing very interesting from the presenters. Most of the collaborations have added up to less than the sum of their parts. Only suspense left, does Outkast get jerked on album of the year? I will be FURIOUS.

11:15 Luther for Song of the Year, glad i got that one right, he really deserved it. Glad the GOAT Carole King was on hand to deliver it. (Yes, this made four times for me)

Time for the obligatory fund schools and don't download speech.. at least he used positive reinforcement instead of demonizing the consumers, they are starting to get a little more savvy. The PSA was lame of course. "Oh no, her i-mac just siphoned all the power from our early-90's Taylor Dayne video shoot!" or whatever that was supposed to be.

Ok, they ar edoing Hey-Ya right before the award is given out, good sign for them winning. I hope! I will raze the earth with my anger!!!!

11:31 Outkast album of the year, praise Jeebus. I guess I can put this molotov cocktail back in the fridge, I'll save it in case Return of the King doesn't get any oscars. Great show as always from Andre 3000, he's just one of those magnetic and magically freaky personalities, like uhh say Bjork or Michael Jackson, that will always captivate, and it almost doesn't matter what is going on with the music as long as they're in the spotlight.

Whew. Gotta say I enjoyed that show, tame though it may have been.

Stank you for reading, and you are very smellcome.